Lady Krampus

And you didn’t even link the big version, which is here or the extended version here or all the still pictures that German chappie has on his website.

Now I have to confess at first I was a little daunted and even faltered somewhat in my determination to continue with my mission to get at the full truth  about Lady Krampuses.  I mean, the probability has always  been that they whacked on the bare, what with those birches an’ all.  But confirmation in the shape of giant animated GIFs is not really the best way to have the issue resolved, now is it!

But then I smelt a rat!  I think that German chappie is up to no good.  Like me he hit on the wizard wheeze of doing an in-depth exposé  of Lady Krampus punitive procedures as a path to fame and fortune.   But rather than doing it properly and facing up to all the potential hazards he took the  easy way out.

Not for him the potential shock of sudden apprehension and arrest.  The risk of that dreary trudge through the dark, cold night in chains, possibly in a closely constrained coffle of other naughty persons of both sexes, while on the way into captivity.  Very likely having to spend hours or even days shackled to the wall of some deep dank dungeon waiting one’s turn to be processed.  And after all that the probability that, unless one can blag one’s way out of it somehow, finally a place in the queue for the birching table awaits and at the end of it the birch on the bare bottom.  Ouch! ?

But instead of doing the job properly, facing up to the dangers in pursuit of the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, our German chappie has simply got a couple of young ladies to don Krampus horns and whack him on the bare bottom with a photographer present to record the event.  There isn’t a chain in sight, and although I need to single frame the animations on another system to confirm, I don’t think there’s a birch either.  The associated blurb mentions a ‘little leather whip’ and an ‘instrument’ whatever that may be.

So nice try Fitz sorry, Lausboy, but no cigar!  Wait for the full, comprehensive Another_Lurker account, direct from the captive coffle, dreadful dungeon and bare bottom birching and weep.  He probably will be doing! ?

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This year there is absolutely no doubt about the ideal present for him.

A seven foot tall lifesize Lady Krampus stutue is available here for a mere $6,660.00 US!  Transatlantic shipping is going to cost you extra I’m afraid, but I can assure you that (assuming he’s been released in time after his proposed December 5th Lady Krampusnacht  adventures) Another Lurker will be absolutely ecstatic and oh so grateful when the delivery person rings his doorbell with this item!

Comes complete with lots of chains and set of fetters for secure safeguarding of prisoners.  No birch though it appears.

However Another_Lurker might not be too disappointed at that latter omission as he’ll probably still be a little tender after making rather too close and intimate acquaintance with one during his recent researches.  Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t sit down to write you a thank you letter for a few days. ?

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This is a message from Lady krampus Corrections Inc, East Midlands Division.

We have your contributor Another_Lurker in detention following his arrest under the authority of a Naughty Person Warrant by two of our operatives late on the evening of 5 December.

Another_Lurker has been given an indeterminate length sentence of 6C (Corporal Correction, Close Confinement, Chain-gang Chores) and won’t be released until we are confident that he is a reformed character.

However we’re quite keen to assist his associate WWT with his image posting problem over in the ‘Skirts Raised for School CP Yes or No?’ thead. Lady Krampus Corrections Inc plans to extend operations in South Africa. We’re going to need to build up the Naughty Person list for that region and we figure the image WWT is trying to post will almost certainly get him onto the list so we’d like to help!

Another_Lurker wasn’t keen to assist our little plan, but an extra unscheduled visit to our corporal correction facility with the threat of more to follow soon changed his mind!

So armed with the secret of how to post pictures we’ll be heading over to the ‘Skirts Raised for School CP Yes or No?’ thread later to help WWT with his problem!

Further bulletins on Another_Lurker may follow.  It depends on how much free time all the necessary corporeally correcting, closely confining and chain-gang chore configuring allows our staff!

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Hello, Lady Krampus Corrections Corp., East Midlands Division here!

It’s been a while since our last visit, but we have been very sad recently to note how distressed some of your members have been at the increasingly violent actions of our male Krampus counterparts.  That nice Mr dmp in particular, such a peaceful and easy-going man, has posted about it several times in the It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas thread.

We agree entirely!  The situation is getting out of hand.  In addition to the violent activities commented on by your members male Krampuses are molesting big girls and little girls with impunity, cruelly chastising small boys and girls and leading off whole coffles of roped and bound children to who knows where.

But what useful function do they fulfill?  Absolutely none really.  For well over 150 years we Lady Krampuses have been dealing with the main naughty element in society, naughty men, while our male counterparts have claimed to be dealing with naughty children and, sometimes, naughty women.  But just look at the chaos they are causing while comprehensively failing to perform their duties properly.

It is time for a change.  Don’t threaten your naughty children with being dealt with by the Krampus.  Far too violent a fate for modern kids who aren’t used to that sort of thing now SCP has been banned.  Instead impound their games machines and televisions and keep them indoors, well away from any marauding male krampuses.   Don’t feed   male krampuses.  And especially don’t put tables out for them.  That really enrages them and brings out the very worst in their  already defective characters.  Just ignore them totally, and as they get bored they’ll retreat back to the remote unpopulated areas they came from.

We  Lady Krampuses will continue to deal with all those naughty men, like your contributor Another_Lurker, who had to spend a period in detention here last year.  Just let us know if he gives you any problems and we’ll recall him instantly.   For some time now as our male colleagues have progressively neglected their duties we’ve also had to deal with the occasional naughty woman on an ad hoc basis.

I’m very pleased to announce that in the near future our East Midlands Division will be absorbing the rest of the Midland Divisions plus Yorkshire and the expanded site will have full facilities for processing any naughty women on a strict gender equality basis.

Meantime we thought you might like to see one of our recent publicity flyers:

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Just a brief intervention which may be helpful to your members.  We’ve noted that Another_Lurker’s comments about being caned by female prefects in the Getting Used To It… thread, especially his response to Mr DJAdams which is found  here and we don’t think he’s being completely frank what with all that stuff about short trousers.

When we had Another_Lurker in custody here last year we did a thorough forensic examination of his cellphone and it was clear from the content we found that he was obsessed with being whacked by female prefects and that trousers, short or otherwise, weren’t always part of the plot.  Two videos in particular seem to have featured heavily in his fantasies.  A warning!  Both contain nudity in some degree!

Your contributors may not have the correct software loaded to play them, but here they are, as detailed in our records, one and two.

We did our best to correct the naughty tendencies he’d been arrested for, but success may have eluded us.  Despite much vocal protest on his part some of our more experienced staff still remain convinced that he enjoyed his punishment far too much.

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Here’s why I said don’t bother with any more Lady Krampuses over in ‘The embarrassment factor’ thread!

They’re everywhere round here already and I’m certain they’re out to get me again.  After that nightmare following Krampusnacht in 2018 I’m lying low I can tell you!  I don’t want another dose of their reforming techniques, and I haven’t been particularly bad this year anyway.  Not that I had in 2018 – well perhaps just a bit – but anyway the hearing you get is a travesty of justice!  Its ‘guilty as charged’, trousers off, and straight over to the corporal correction facility for your first dose of that infernal rattan birch!

Damn cold too this time of the year on the way from the reception and cells area to the corporal correction facility when all you’ve got on is a prison T-shirt and you can only shuffle along slowly in your shackles!

I know they’re after me again because the security camera on my woodland gate recorded this at 11:23 yesterday morning!

I ask you!  11:23 in the morning, broad daylight and it wasn’t even Krampusnacht yet!  I know it’s straight out into the woods and then open countryside through that gate, but one of the neighbours might have been walking the dog or something and seen me shuffling along in those chains!  I’d never have lived it down!  I can’t remember what I was doing, but obviously I didn’t hear the bell, and presumably they didn’t want to make too much noise in daylight so they must have gone away again.  But that scroll she’s holding is an arrest warrant just like they had last time.

I didn’t notice the little card saying ‘Back tomorrow night’ until I went to pick up the local evening paper when it came through the letter box and even then I didn’t guess what it was about until I opened the paper and saw this picture, which I’ve ‘borrowed’ off the newspaper website.  I hope they won’t object.

Apparently on Thursday night some chap was out lamping rabbits and spotted some figures moving across a field  about a kilometer away over near the old haunted deserted hall.  He was a bit peeved because he’d paid for exclusive rights to shoot over the land and nobody else should have been around so he took a quick picture with his night vision scope and his mobile phone.

It wasn’t till he got home on Friday morning that he looked closely at the picture and saw the horns and the chains on the figure at the back!  He went to the police, but they think it was probably some youngsters having a joke, and anyway they can’t do anything unless someone is reported missing because apart from trespassing, which they’ve no time for what with the pandemic, there’s no evidence of a crime.

I know different though.  That’s some poor guy they’ve grabbed early because they must expect to be extra busy tonight, same reason they called on me early.  He’s handcuffed, shackled, collared and chained just like I was on the way to their lair after they grabbed me in 2018.  Come to think of it their lair could have been the old haunted haul.  Certainly looked a bit like it on the inside, but they blindfolded me for the last couple of miles there, and again when they released me.

It’s a grim place the old haunted deserted hall.  Supposed to be one of the most haunted buildings in England apparently.  I don’t believe in that stuff, but I wouldn’t normally go anywhere near it as you can see the external shell is falling to bits.  But yes, the lair could have been in there!  At least if they do get me this time I’ll possibly know where I am!

Anyway, after seeing the picture in the paper and finding the calling card on the mat I went and checked my security cameras and found the picture of the visitor above.!  I’ll be being very careful today and tonight, believe me – I’ll be locked in the safe room except when I’ve got to go out a couple of times.  Mind you, it might not be that bad this time.  They claimed they were going to be starting to deal with naughty ladies as well as naughty men because the male krampuses were making such a hash of it, so I’m sure there’ll be no more of that being paraded around trouserless if they do get me.  But wish me luck!